Parenting is to Parenting Books as Reality is to Dreamland

Yesterday I got the notification that my parenting book I had put on hold at the library was ready for pick up. I'm pretty excited about this so I pack the kids in the car, head off to the library, and get my book. When I get home, it's lunch time so while we're eating I start to read. The book: On Becoming Toddlerwise by Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam. I started off in the chapter on Conflict, Training, and Correction since this is where I felt I needed the most help. Much of it was smart and intellectually stimulating. I actually found some things that I wanted to try including giving Emma instructions instead of asking her to do things. But overall the big looming, blinking sign hanging over my head as I read was PARENTAL FAILURE. I'm sitting there with my 2 month old in my arms, while trying to eat and read, and trying to keep Emma from standing up in her high chair and throwing her food on the ground. Immediately I sternly say NO and tell her to sit down. It doesn't happen so I tell her again with hand directions this time. Again she doesn't obey and even shakes her head no with a little smirk on her face. So then I grab her arm and bend her legs and force her to sit back down. She screams and throws a small fit, but stays sitting for a bit. I go back to reading and what do I read? Something about not forcing them to do things. BIG check for me. Then I read some more about not using threats or bribes. Uh-oh, check two! So many times I've said, “If you don't do this, you'll go to your room (or get a spanking)!” or “If you do this, Mommy will give you a chocolate (or a snack)!” Oh boy....having gotten mostly through the chapter I think to myself, “Do I really want to read this??” The rest of the day I try out some of the things in the chapter like saying “look at Mommy” first before giving her a direction or putting her in isolation when she disobeys. She obeyed me a little more I would say. In fact when she didn't pick up the kitchen utensils she threw on the ground when I asked her three times (I even looked her in the face and got her full attention on the items and she still ignored my directions), I put her in her room and wouldn't let her out until she stopped crying a bit. I opened the door and told her to say sorry to me then gave her a hug. But she seemed really anxious to get around me and go somewhere. I decided to let her go where she was going and immediately she went downstairs. I listened to drawers open and items clunking together. I then went down to see what she had done. I was surprised to see she had gone down to do exactly what I had wanted her to do just a few minutes before. She put the utensils away! She knew what I was asking of her and was deliberately disobeying at first. There was no misunderstanding there. But she discovered that when disobeying meant being locked in her room, she knew she had to hurry to complete the task so that she wasn't in there anymore. Smart girl! That encouraged me a bit, so I thought, “Hmmm, maybe I should keep reading that book." Day two. Today. I finally got both kids asleep and decided to eat lunch and read again. This time I begin on the chapter called Structuring Your Child's Day. Here's where things really began to make me feel awful. Practically everything I was doing in this area according to these authors was wrong. Now, I know that parenting books aren't all correct and that every situation is different. I know that doctoral authors are not know-it-alls even though they think they are. So this chapter I kind of want to say to them, “Are you kidding me???” They are saying my day should be structured to every 15 minutes or half hour. They say get your kids up at exactly the same time everyday and that a good time is 7 am. Well, buddies, I have a 2 month old baby that goes to sleep at 11 pm gets up at 5 am to eat and a husband that gets up at 6 am to go to work. I want to go back to sleep so that I can keep my sanity, so no I am not going to wake my toddler up if she's still sleeping and I can get some shut eye!! Also, they say there should be all these different kinds of play time, but no where in there did they account for mommy work out time, dishes, laundry, cleaning, phone calls, emails, errands, and other things that have to get done. They also don't know that my child just simply does not do quiet time, unless she's into something she shouldn't. She takes naps, but put Emma on a blanket for 30 minutes to play? Good luck!!! She'd be up and off that in 2 seconds. Don't let her switch toys every 5 minutes? She switches toys every 30 seconds! And how am I supposed to control that when I have a baby to nurse? The evening schedule they have is totally out as well. I teach piano so dinner is at a different time every day depending on when my lessons are. And those switch around so much that it changes week to week even. And apparently I put her to bed too late. That is actually a good thing for me to hear because now I have a good excuse to start putting her to bed earlier and getting some good nightly alone time with my husband. So overall, I am overwhelmed by this chapter. Maybe I'm too selfish and shouldn't be so focused on what I need to get done, but rather what I need to do for my children. But seriously this is too big a bite for me to chew. Maybe I just need to change one little thing at a time. I guess we'll see how this goes. For right now I am going to say to that parenting book, “You live in the parenting dreamland and I live in the parenting reality. Sorry, but I think reality overrules dreamland. Thanks anyways!” :)

A Month With Two Kids

It has already been a month now that Nate and I have had two kids. Whew! We made it this far! Oh it's not over yet? You mean we still have the rest of their lives??? Shoot...this parenting thing is harder than I thought! Maybe I jumped on the second kid wagon a little too soon...lol. In all seriousness, though, it has been an interesting adjustment to having two kids so close together. I love them both very dearly and wouldn't trade them for anything in the world, but I must say there are times when I think to myself "What have I gotten myself into?!" Thankfully (and equally regretfully), they don't stay little forever.

Carter has done really well for his first month of life and we couldn't have asked for a sweeter, more mellow baby. He sleeps pretty well at night, going 3 or 4 hours at a time before waking up to eat. He also does really well getting his bubbles out, which has made him a very pleasant baby. He seems to be okay not being held 24/7, which helps out a lot with the attention I need to give to Emma. He is growing very quickly and is already out of all the newborn stuff and is into the 0-3 month clothes. According to our scale he is about 11 and half pounds already! He's a strong, growing boy and it makes me sad to see him grow so fast because before I know it he won't be a baby anymore! Carter has also quickly become a mama's boy. I am loving every minute with him and honestly feel so attached! Little boys are so sweet and I have to say you don't know how much joy comes from having a boy until you have one.

As for Emma, she was okay with Carter for the first week or two and then the realization that he's not going away finally hit her. She started purposely trying to push him away from me and doing other pokes and prods that weren't very nice. Her world has officially been turned upside-down. Poor thing!




She is still helpful though, which shows me how sweet she really is inside. She always alerts me when Carter crys with a "Whying!" and a concerned little face that melts your heart. She also loves to give him his blankies and his binkie (while getting a taste herself...lol). And she even helps me pat his back to burp him.


Beyond helping/hurting Carter, Emma has continued to learn and grow. She can repeat words she hears now, even if they sound completely different. She says prayers with Mom's help and can repeat all of the alphabet after me. She can even say BYU now! :) She's gotten really good at certain puzzles and loves to play games on my phone. She is such a smarty and I know it's going to be hard to keep up with her! She's also had her difficult times, throwing tantrums and really disobeying Mom and Dad. I am waiting on a couple parenting books I have on hold at the library because I am completely at a loss for how to deal with her and discipline her sometimes. It's a good thing there are people out there, including Nate and my wonderful mother-in-law, who can and do help out before I completely lose it. I'm also grateful for Sundays now since Emma is finally in nursery and I get a reprieve from her for a couple of hours! Emma transitioned to nursery really well and that has made us really happy. She goes with Meema (Nate's mom) since she is a nursery leader and doesn't even look back. She loves playing with the toys and other kids in there and has kept the nursery leaders on their toes (tee hee...I laugh!). I was told that she has created a new standard for child-proofing the nursery. :) That's my child!

A couple of weeks ago my sister Leah from St. Louis, Missouri flew here to come see us and help out with the kids. It was so nice to have her here! Since my parents are on their mission in Germany, my mom couldn't come out. So she arranged for my sister to come so that she could be her hands. We had so much fun while she was here! We took the kids out so Emma could go play at Kent Commons at Indoor Park. I also took her to Seattle and we saw the Space Needle and the Pike Place Market. Leah had never been so it was cool to show her! We went up to the top of the Space Needle, but unfortunately they don't allow strollers so we each had to carry a kid. Leah took Emma and she definitely had her hands full keeping track of her! Emma was a crack up though because she would just run in circles around the top and since it's a little slanted and puts your equilibrium off, she kept running diagonally into the walls...lol. Leah also bought some fresh fish and produce from the market and made us some awesome fish tacos that night! She is such a great cook and really treated us to some good cooking while she was here! After she left, Nate was like, "Where's Leah to cook us dinner and do the dishes???" ...lol. She is an amazingly sweet person and we were so grateful to have her come!

So it's been a full, fun, busy month with two kids, but I think we're surviving. I feel like if I can get through this, I can get through anything. Here's to many more months with two (and eventually more) kids!